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Parenthood and Expectations

Parenting seems to be going through a transformation and sensitive parenting has become a very delicate topic. Nothing seems to be working perfectly and almost every parent today seeks advice on bettering the raising skill. Parents and specially mothers have this innate tendency to look at their children with tinted vision. Most of the time we think they are already or in the process of being what we want them to be. That is the reason it becomes difficult to except if children express a desire to become anything different from what we want them to be. Many of us claim to be open minded and with intensions of giving children full freedom in following their dreams and that stands true in some cases but the larger part of the truth is that the process of dreaming about what we want our children to become, starts much earlier than children start to dream about themselves. We start thinking about what we want right from their birth or even earlier, as a result consciously or not we start influencing our children in that direction. We kind of expose them to what we think appropriate.

And there is nothing wrong in that. We are better judge of situation. We know where can we tap potential and what are our resources. Age and experience is at our side. But with that we know what our children are capable of, we know what falls in the realm to their comfort most importantly we know what will make them happy

But here, let me ask why there need to be sides at all? Why cant we loosen up and let our children be? Unless we seriously-seriously think that they are doing no justice to their possibilities and potentials. Then probably we can push them but before that there is a need to retrospect if we as parents are being fair and realistic.

Historically speaking all living beings love their DNA. We want to ensure that we pass our genetic lineage to future generations to avoid extinction. Our children denote our biological investment. Since we have fewer children these days all our efforts are focused on them. And unlike earlier times we have less guidance available from elders and community. So we rely on our limited experience. We tend to speak to everyone and seek advice about parenting practices but ironically we think we are the authority on the topic. And all this gyan that we think we have we want to pass on to our little ones, not realizing wisdom comes with age and there is a limitation to what a young mind can absorb.

I can go on till eternity as I think I am an authority too. I would like to conclude with requesting parents… please don’t make raising your kids a race. Enjoy your children enjoy parenthood. Discover strategies and tools to nurture the healthy development of your child that will help you in planning appropriately. Create a strong foundation of love and connection, Respond to their crying, misbehaviour and demands in helpful ways. Work towards becoming the calm, confident, and joyful parent.

It is surprising that the percentages and aggregates have sky rocketed and most alarming fact is the satisfaction levels have gone down. Parents need to stop testing the limits of their children. I hope if we stop participating in this mad rush of achievement for children; eventually it would stop happening. Children would not feel disappointed even after scoring 90% and above. Comforts and reasonable expectations should trickle from parents to children. Childhood and parenting both need to go back to simpler ways.


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Renu Handa

Academic/Science/Research

Madhya Pradesh ,  INDIA

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