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Survival instincts of Indians !


..............................Survival instincts of Indians !

Professor Temper Brown, Head of Humanities Department, International State University of Wisconsin, Plymouth, USA, arranged a Two Days’ Seminar in University Hall in the early week of Autumn Semester.

The wide banner behind him was displaying in bold letters the subject of discussion as “Survival instincts of a Billion Rural Indians.” He started his inaugural speech :

“Hi gays,
India, a country further south in Asia, today sustains a population of more than 1.22 billion, almost four times of we all Americans put to gather !!! …Of which about a billion population is rural and lives in 638,000 villages there.”

Listening to these large figures many of the scholars present in the Hall were dazed in great amazement and dropped their jaws in awe. Miss Fuming Roaster, a scholar specializing in Forensics, confidently remarked “Brown, I am sure, they will soon die of the weight of their own population…!”

“Roaster, that’s the point killing us in amazement, they have survived for centuries and they are growing continuously. Some 75,000 babies are born every day in that mysterious country !!!” replied Professor Temper and continued further.

“Just a mug full of their drinking water can kill an American within four days, with an untreated severe diarrhea…!”

“Oh shit…!” slipped from Deadspin Host’s mouth, who is living lavishly on Fellowship of Rock Hard Foundation, searching vigorously through Google Maps on his costly Android. His girl-friend Miss Chirpy Chin, another American scholar of Chinese origin, parasitizing lavishly on him, pointed her little lady finger on a point to help him find India. Professor Temper Brown, looked at him with scorn and further stressed his point –

“They collect their drinking water directly from natural rivers and water-wells and their bodies are well immune to most of the germs, bacteria and fungi. In a way their fragile bodies are much more stronger than the robustly looking Americans !!!”

“I am sure, the Pharma companies must be doing roaring business there???” …This was another scholar seating in front row, Miss Nightangel Bates, she is doing her M.S. with Pharmacology as her Major.

“Not really Bates, American Drug Companies are rather loosing grounds there. Many a times, they tried using fear psychosis on Indians by projecting horrors of Hepatitis B and AIDS and failed miserably. Indians have their own time tested herbal and tribal medicine systems, yoga and breathing exercises which cost little and keep them away from costly hospitals and doctors of modern medicines. Many doctors have stopped practicing medicine and adapted to be a Property Dealer.”

Brad Hammer could not digest this, he was a Research Assistant working in University Lab. and asked himself “If this is the fate of the doctors, why I am experimenting new drugs on frogs??? …American Drug Administration is all bullshit !”

Miss Golden Burn, M.S. with Major in Human Psychology, who recently failed to pursue a married Indian scholar to her charms, wanted to down play Indians and screamed “This is degeneration of human life in that country, they live life less than animals, just vegetation-life with no signs of intelligentsia of any kind…!!!”

“Stop it Burn” Professor Temper took the charge again and proclaimed “Recently Indians produced largest figure of skilled Software Engineers in the world, a superior breed of brainy boys, they have even shaken American economy through their distant ‘Call-Centers’. These Centers are eating away jobs of American youth in our States…!!!”

This remark from the Professor fell heavy on Chimpie Champ, a black American scholar who completed his Doctoral from the University, but is out of job and out of flat these days, stood up and shouted “I told Bill Gates and I am telling it again – He made a mistake by selling those plastic chips to Indian monkeys, but who cares for me and my words on this Earth???”

But Miss Sharpe Bites, a student from the Department of Anthropology spoke softly “Sir, we just can’t take your statement lying down, you will have to explain reasons as to why all the brains are growing in Indian fields???”

“Well Bites, I remember, our Head of Human Biology Department, Miss Worm Light, once mentioned in a Party on my 6th marriage with my than wife Dizzy, that secrets of brainy Indians lie somewhere in the Indian spices – which are important ingredients of their daily diet, but it is still a matter of extensive research work.”

Because in last two days, the discussions on the Subject could not lead to any crux, on the evening of that final day of the Seminar, there was chaos in the Hall among the scholars with superior scholastic records in their individual fields of specialization.

However, the Special Guest of the Day, Mr. Diesel Boxn, The Bureau Chief of South and Central Asian Affairs, concluded the Seminar –

“…we really do not know the ground realities existing in that mysterious and mystical country India in the Far East part of this World. The great population survives without food, milk and dairy product packaging industries, without toilets and even without toilet papers…!!!

Our Bureau is ready to finance a Research Project on this Subject that will include a 4-days visit to a typical Indian village also.”

John Hound immediately roused to his full height of six and half feet, shivering in excitement “Sir, I have been recently awarded M.S. in Entomology, I have spent months with ant species Dorylus in Zambia - to study Survival Instincts in these creatures and would love to work on rural Indians.”

Boxn was damn happy to find this young scholar and said : “Till the amount of Research Project is transferred in to your account, please make preparation with your Guide.”

The Seminar was over in a pleasant atmosphere, everybody congratulated John Hound over the dinner party that night.
……………………………………………………Narration by - Yogeshwar Dubey (to be continued)

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